I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
