Christians are straight up FREAKS
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
