Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
