Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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