I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just gift wrapped bread.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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