i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
