At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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