Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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