Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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