period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize