eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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