We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I intend to get homeless drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
