She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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