She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
