i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
