You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
