Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
