Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
