i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
