He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
