Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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