I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The uberlube is also flammable
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
