I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
