I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize