Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize