it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
