Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
