Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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