I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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