I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
