Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
two words...techno handjob
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
