Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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