if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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