I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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