This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
