I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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