SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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