i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
