Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
