hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
