I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
