As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Randomize
