i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
