he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
