I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please come you make the beer taste better
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
