That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
