Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
