don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize