miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
