Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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