Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize