You're completely useless in the revolution.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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