It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
