Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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