so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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