Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
