i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
