I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
