Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
