well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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