He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
