I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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