He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
