You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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