i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
