Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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